I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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