yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
