I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
