Just fell off a train. Bad.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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