Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They took my balls.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
