I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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