I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
