I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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