I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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