Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
