I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
