Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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