either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
