dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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