Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
