this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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