butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
