It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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