Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
