I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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