He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
