1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
