You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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