He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I touched a dick in church today
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
