It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
