Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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