she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
