My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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