If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
