i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
