I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
