Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
