i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize