my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The Olympian is in my bed
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
