hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Someone signed my nipple.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
