he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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