i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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