At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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