at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
