i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
