I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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