She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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