U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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