K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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