How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
