There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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