who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
