im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
