her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
