i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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