The maid of honor just puked.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
