Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize