There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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