I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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