we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
