somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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