Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
