I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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