Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
