conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
