she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
