Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As shirtless as possible
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
