Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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