My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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