got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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