if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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