I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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