I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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