so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
