nut hugger
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
